All I Ever Needed To Know I Learned In Kindergarten:

Well, I have at least five posts saved in my drafts and haven't had the time to finish any of them. I hope this one is different. Between work and my kids going back to school I am an unorganized nervous wreck. Speaking of going back to school I have been reading a lot of posts/ blogs on this subject, especially about kindergarten.
I'm there, again. My second child started at the beginning of the month and wow what a difference from my first. Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~September 2001~~~~~~~My oldest child, my only child, my first born son is starting school. Does the date ring any bells. It sure does for me. I was 81/2 months pregnant with my miracle baby girl having a nice bubble bath when the phone rings. It is my son's teacher telling me he has failed the GKAP ( kindergarten readiness test) She thinks he would benefit from extra help and by the way he tried to pull the fire alarm today. She is a great lady who I later find out lives up the street. This news is surprising but not exactly shocking. My son is the sweetest little boy, but cannot sit still to save his life. His teachers have and will say " He has the biggest heart in the world, he just needs to learn to control himself". Hey, don't we all. Anyway, I try to call my husband but he is in Ohio of all places I can't seem to get in touch with him. My mom will just think I am pregnant nuts so I call a friend in a similar situation. She assures me she is just as nuts and thinks I should wait until I have the conference with the teacher before I pull him out and home school. You know, the new baby coming and all. Okay, I give, but I am still thinking this teacher deserves to be publicly flogged for thinking anything but wonderful thoughts about my first born child. Does she not know what I am going through here. I get through the day and decide I will make it until the conference tomorrow. But that day never comes. As I lay on the sofa having my second bowl of cereal watching Good Morning America Charlie Gibson announces a plane has crashed into the world trade center. As he is talking another crashes right before our eyes. As the morning unfolds and our country learns what may or may not be happening and I am debating whether I should get my son from school. Yesterday I was frantic about my son's place at his new elementary school and now I am losing it about his place at school. I knew I would freak about him being gone. I cried the whole first day , but I never thought I could stress about his physical being at a suburban elementary school, right? Boy, was I wrong. Us mommies decided against confiscating our children on the advice they would realize something bad was happening. Good advice I am sure, but by 2pm carpool I was having so many contractions I could barely drive and no one would answer their damned phones. At 4pm my husband finally calls from Ohio to say he has obtained a rental car and will be driving home immediately. Thank God! My doctor calls at 5pm and the contractions have slowed considerably. I am advised to have a glass of red wine and a long hot bath. My in laws arrive and stay until my husband is home. My beautiful boy makes everything okay. Calm, happy, and very reassuring. Even when the next week the doctors hospitalize me for pre eclampsia until I am thirty eight weeks and able to deliver. Even when our country is in shambles and no one feels safe he can't wait to go to his next soccer game. He is my candle guiding me in the dark. I have no more control. He is in school while I am in a hospital. I am going to have his little sister and I feel so helpless in my responsibilities as a mother. I feel so much guilt. Guilt for not being there, guilt for our sorry excuse as a world unable to create peace for our children, guilt for being pregnant, and guilt for the time I have to spend away from him. Will he understand? Will he be okay? Will he be scarred for life from his crazy mother and the rest of the world? Fast forward.................
Present day.......yes it might sound like I was a teenage drama queen(but weren't we all!) but really, I was that crazy. It was too much for me to comprehend at the time. I did have my baby girl ( all 9lbs5oz of her ) two weeks later and my son only sees his therapist 3X's a year now for his ADD Rx's. They say he has recovered nicely. As for me, well the medication helps. Seriously though, it was one of those life lessons that is forever carved out in my head and my heart. I can't control everything. Really, pretty much nothing. My dad had the Serenity Prayer hung in his home office as long as I can remember. He is even actually a card carrying member. You think hearing and seeing this virtue that often would have had some effect on me. (besides guilt) I guess it has because I eventually get the hint. You might have to knock me over the head with it and I will blame hormones and childbirth for the rest of my life, but the hurdles we have to climb in life, especially for our children, are just that: hurdles, mountains, life lessons. We will get through them and learn from them. Let go! They won't fall, children are stronger then we think. When we are at the top we sometimes forget how hard it was to get there. But life will remind you. With my daughter starting school it is so much easier this time. I still have a knot in my stomach every morning when I drop her off and I still cried the day before she went to kindergarten in the middle of the Kroger parking lot. (hormones!!)
I have to let go in little bursts with my children. But this doesn't mean I won't walk through a wall of fire to protect them, either. We are learning "when" everyday. When to let go and when to tighten our grip. Middle school, kindergarten, preschool,...it is all hard to me now. I finally got #3 potty trained but now she has to do it a preschool. OMG, I can't believe how nervous I am. I feel stupid for even saying it.
Anyway, we are all going through our mommy "puberty" at different levels and times. Just like when we were teenagers, we only have so much control over our lives. But now, as so called adults, we do have the experiences to help guide us through our lives. And if that doesn't get you through there is always good friends and excellent medications:)