My Childhood Dreams

http://crazyhipblogmamas.com/?p=345... This is a "collaboration" post with crazy hip mamas. The topic is something I think of often especially when watching my own children.

My earliest childhood dream I remember was when I was in about first grade. I really thought being a teacher would be fun because whenever we played school I was always the teacher and got to boss everyone around. As I got older I realized there was a lot more to being a teacher. For instance, helping to shape those young minds I get to boss around.

My biggest childhood dream came when I was ten years old. I was going to Catholic School and had my first male teacher. (not a priest ) He was young, cool , and taught me to write my first real short story. In fact, he really liked my story and had me read it in front of the class. I was very shy and didn't want to but he convinced me. And what do you know, the other kids actually thought it was very cool. That was my first taste of fiction writing and finding something I was good at doing and just loved. The idea I could make up a story that other people would read and liked sounded great to me. I was already a huge daydreamer and loved to read. The teacher also gave me a lot of praise and that in turn gave me confidence. It also showed me, as I became older, what an influence a teacher can have on a young persons life. I will never forget the day John Lennon died because of this teacher. His reaction to John Lennon's death moved me so much for such a young person.
Unfortunately, I moved later on that school year, but my love for writing only increased. It helped me through the move and many other difficult times in my life. I developed not only a dream of becoming a published writer but a passion for writing. Also, my first childhood dream of becoming a teacher is a reality. I know now I touch every little young mind I teach in some way. I also realize my dream of being a writer has also come true. I have had a few minor things published but that is not what makes me a writer; my passion for putting my thoughts down on paper is what has made my childhood dreams come true.

Weekends are for enlightenment

The good news is the children go back to school in a week and the bad news is the children go back to school in a week. My middle child will start kindergarten this year and it is also a crossroads for me. Another dilemma for me is I will start back teaching at my school in a couple weeks. No more free schedule and sleeping in until 8am. My writing is going to take a serious dive. I will be working one less day this year, so I am thrilled about this, but at the same time I won't be able to blog and work on my story inventions ( as I call them ). I try to look on the bright side...I am able to work part time and see my children as soon as they get out of school. I don't have to work , I need to work. Probably more then I am, but I am trying to strike this balance. I know I can't have it all, at least not all at once. My plan is to get this damned writing thing off the ground so by the time my youngest starts elementary school I can do this writing thing full time at home. Oh, I have dreams.
Over the weekend I kept reminding myself the children go back to school soon. Especially at the grocery store. You know how it is, you run in to grab the basics so your family won't starve or die of food poisoning, and then someone inevitably gets hurt, screams like a banshee so everyone stares at you( I am so over this ) you grab the closet bottle of wine to the checkout counter, pay twice as much as you expected ( bribes, things thrown in when not looking, mamma's little helpers etc...) and get the hell out of there. The Home Depot trip on Sunday wasn't much better. I knew when they were perfect angels at the Pancake House ( no food was thrown and the two year old didn't wet her pants) that it was too good to be true. At least this time, the hubby was present.
But I am going to miss my miracle baby when she goes off to kindergarten and little two turns three on Friday. ( Trying to plan some kind event ) My son got braces last week and time is moving too fast. I am in such conflict about this whole working/staying home thing. Time with the kids, time with my husband, time with myself. I know all of us moms go through this. I am just wondering will I ever get into a groove that works for me. Some days I think money will solve all these troubles, but I know that isn't necessarily true. People say money isn't everything, but it sure doesn't hurt. I have also read it is the number one cause of divorce. But those Hollywood couples have plenty of dough and they don't seem to have such good luck.
My husband and I are trying to be turtles. Go at a slow and steady pace. I know it will pay off. Thank God a girl has her friends to talk to about this stuff.
Off to make muffins in the easy bake oven. ( not the one that burns you) After all, she won't be my baby forever.

Sliding Doors

Lately I have been thinking ( my husband would add a joke here) a lot about the choices we make in our lives. How one choice can equally effect the next and so on. One of my all time favorite movies is " Sliding Doors " with Gwenyth Paltrow ( who I also adore ). Her character makes a small choice that changes her life for either good or bad. This ultimately leads to more complicated choices in the two alter lives it creates. Can we go back and start again or are we constantly reinventing ourselves? If we make one choice and it doesn't work out we can't always just start over because there are other people who are involved. Other people's lives who are effected by our choices and vice versa. As a mother of three children, I know now the choices I make cannot always be selfish because people who make me who I am are involved. Everything from what I eat, to how many children I have, to my marriage, and my overall happiness effects my children. I know this sounds a little over the top and also a little " she's just figuring this out"----which I am not ----but everyday my kids are getting older and I am always worrying whether or not I am making the right choices for them because as they get older they will obviously be making more and more choices for themselves. I also have to be careful I am making the right choices for myself and setting a good example. I know one of the "rules " of motherhood is giving in to the fact that you will always feel guilty about something and some one's needs are not always being met.( my hubby's right now). I am trying and I bow to the women who have done this...but my mom constantly reminds me my favorite thing to ask when I was little was "what if? ". My almost 3yr old has recently picked this up. I try to answer her as best as I can. " What ifs " can drive you almost insane. I went through several miscarriages in a row before I had my second child and if you have ever had one you know how you can drive yourself crazy if it was something you did. I wondered what would have happened if I hadn't gone through all that and I know I wouldn't have thing 1 and 2. The choices we make can hurt us but we can recover and be stronger from them. Regret is a whole other part of choice that I think we must put to good use. We have to use it to make our next choice better. But I also feel in order to not to let regret eat us alive we have to also learn the art of forgiveness, and that may just be the ultimate thing my children have shown me and I can show them.
Journals, writing, blogging help me get this stream of consciousness out of my head and onto paper. I am not sure if I care whether people read it our not but let's face it writers truly want to be appreciated in some way. I am trying to get my short stories and my novels together. My notes are everywhere and I really want to finish just one. Articles and essays are much easier. these are themes I have included in one way or another in my most recent stories. If you have any suggestions or good websites let me know.

I Saw My Name In Print

Yesterday a website I wrote a short article for told me I would be on their cover homepage for one day. They said I was ranked number 1 out of thirteen articles for that subject. It is a subject very close to my heart so it was easier to write about. I have only had a few things published in my life ( was never paid, though ) so it was a real thrill to have positive feedback on something I am passionate about. I may not have made bunches of money but the small recognition feels good and definately inspires me to do more. To all of you with your dreams and goals keep on going...